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  Tim Atkin review
OBSERVER - 19th Dec '99
 Now you, too, can own your own vineyard, buy out your opponents and quaff with the best of them...
Orson Welles once said that flying provoked one of two possible emotions, boredom or terror. Turbulence notwithstanding, I've always been a tedium man myself, which is how I came to dream up a ludicrous boardgame on a long haul flight to Australia last year. An alcoholic cross between Risk and Monopoly, it pitted the New against the Old World in a dastardly battle for viticultural supremacy.
 Any weapon, no matter how illegal, was permitted. You could bribe leading journalists with a pallet of Dom Perignon ('Mr X's Romanian Pinot Noir is better than Romanée-Conti), release nematodes into your competitor's vineyards or have a star winemaker rubbed out by the Corsican Mafia in a bizarre boating accident. Every time you gained control of another region, you got to drink a glass of decent wine. Lose one, and it was two glasses of warm Liebfraumilch.
I hadn't thought about my jet lag-induced musings until someone sent me a copy of Quaffers, a new game that shows you how to 'run a vineyard, drink an awful lot of wine and ruin your neighbours'. It's not quite as nasty as my version, but the idea is not dissimilar. As one of six players, you are the notional owner of a famous vineyard. Your aim is to make and sell wine as you travel around the board. Make more money, and you can increase the profitability of your vineyard and buy out your opponents.
Pitfalls await you; 'foreign elements found in a wine sample' or 'fraudster sells bad wine under your label', but not, sadly, 'Robert Parker gives your wine 48 points out of 100 and your winemaker throws himself off the Golden Gate Bridge'.
The great thing about this game is that you can 'own' a vineyard without investing a penny or watching the elements shaft your crop. Anyone who works in the wine business will tell you that, short of purchasing a dodgy timeshare in Marbella, buying vineyards is the fastest way to turn a large fortune into a small one. Now we can all be Ernest Gallo for an afternoon.
You also get the chance to learn about wine in a relaxed way via 'Experience' cards. There are two levels on offer, and once you know all the answers you can buy extra sets. Some of the questions are contentious. Example; 'What is a sommelier?' solicited response; 'A French term for a specialist wine waiter or wine steward who is responsible for ensuring that the wine is stored and served correctly.' Another view; 'A jumped-up twat who thinks France is the only country on the planet and treats his customers with Gallic contempt.' There are a couple of misleading answers, too; Pais isn't native to Chile, it was brought there by the Spaniards. But no matter.
What I really like about Quaffers is that it combines amusement and education with the chance to have a few bevvies. Everyone has to bring a bottle of wine to be tasted blind by his opponents. Once they've worked out what your wine is, they get the opportunity to buy you out. I'm already laying in stocks of Albanian Welschriesling and Chinese Barbera in anticipation of the All England Quaffers Championships. I might even take the game with me next time I fly long haul.
OBSERVER - 19th Dec '99
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